Monday, December 29, 2008

Need to, Want to, Have to

Just like every December for the past i-dont-know-how-many years, has the time come to come true to myself. To measure up to what I had set forth to do this year & see if I had done it. I had made very modest plans for 2008, simply from experience, since modest plans are most likely to be fulfilled & need a lot of determination to stick to them. Although this is the first time I have ever said this to anyone.

I had set forth to make modifications in the way I perceived things, I did. It hurt at first but now I know the merits of the choices I had made. Some unexpected developments did shatter my deep seated beliefs about myself & I am glad I could experience them in first person for a change.

Physically, I am healthier & stronger by the end of this year. I have been back on my previous fitness regime & eating a lot healthier than ever before.

Emotionally, I have made peace with a few of my demons & have begun to explore a lot more into thoughts I never thought I was capable of exploring.

Intellectually,unfortunately has been a step down, since this year I saw myself engaged into activities I have begun categorizing as, "essential waste of time" activities.

Socially, it has been a brilliant year since I had an opportunity to broaden my network & meet new people & new ideas. It has been the most interesting year in this sphere.

Professionally, it has also been a productive experience, reinforcing some of my beliefs of what I would "want" to do & what I "need" to do. In my case, I learned it the hard way, that they coincide.

Literally, I have begun to appreciate many forms of expression, especially poetry, which had been a mental block for a very long time. I dont know how far along I have come to enjoy it, but it sure does feel different & good.

Honestly, I noticed a few changes in my own thoughts & beliefs & have become more attuned to objectively & critically assess my own thoughts. This was a giant leap for me this year, to take this even further into other spheres of my life will be the major challenge for the years that follow.

Now is also the time of the year, when I set forth to make some more modest plans for the year to come.

I Need to
Learn Music, deliberately engage in difficult discussions which cross examine my own beliefs, to empathize more, socialize more, let go

I Want to
Explore the logic of cynicism, learn to appreciate non-prose forms of expression, enjoy theatre

I Have to
Put myself through the rigor of understanding the sense of responsibility to myself, as I will step into a new world in which I am accountable to my own choices, beliefs, actions & thoughts

One thought or quote did wonders this year, in reshaping a lot of thoughts. It reinforced a few beliefs & helped me destroy that sense of pseudo-reality I have been trying to convince myself with. I had been reading Graham Greene's 'Loser Takes All' which has a wealthy, rich, old guy in it who says the following lines to a middle-aged man who has achieved what every man covets but has lost everything he stood for, in the process.

The old man said,
"People hate reality, people don't like common sense, until age forces it upon them."

Song for the moment: Brand New Day by Sting

1 comment:

yashada said...

poetry?? :) really???? :P