Thursday, May 31, 2007

Sudden Realization Day

Today can very well be celebrated as the “Sudden Realization Day”.

I woke up, surprisingly, at 0700 hrs sharp. My alarm was half an hour away from knocking my daylights out. There was no particular reason for this sudden wake-up incident. No dreams, no scary early morning thoughts, no prior appointments, nothing. The time was 0701 hrs when I realized, quite suddenly, that my right hand was paralyzed. Apparently, I was sleeping on it for too long & my blood lost all motivation to reach my fingers. I woke up with a numb right hand & tried to fetch my alarm clock. Even in that state of quasi sleep all I cared about was the loud alarm clock.

After the morning routine I accidentally on purpose popped in front of the mirror. There it was. That….. I still can’t forget that hideous sight. It was out there. I could see neon signs developing in my brain. Constantly flashing with a big bold font, “THE TUMMY RETURNS”. I was never a gym freak, neither did I see my tummy growing out of proportion, but this was the mother of all my tummies till now. This was definitely a bit round. Although it wasn’t much of a distraction, looked kinda cute, but it’s a tummy & there is no other option but to get rid of it. It was a spontaneous reaction; I planned a workout regime, Cardio + Tummio which includes excessive jumping & heavy sit ups. Although after a few days it will also include the upper body exercises, primarily push ups. The very basic forms of human exercises were being planned in my head. I was 1 min & 10 meters away from my breakfast. But I resisted. Never in my life was I so motivated by seeing anything other than my tummy this morning. I suddenly started day dreaming about my abs some 5 years ago. Rock solid, with 2 distinct biscuits on top. CRISP.

After my tummy realization incident & the 30 minute work out, I went to the shower. Sudden realization # 2, there was no soap bar in the soap box. I went to fetch at the usual location where the soap is stashed & the hits just kept on coming. We had run out of soap. There I was standing in my towel with my slippers on & realized that I didn’t have soap. Under ideal circumstances, I would register my disgust by making a facial expression that would make Jim Carrey reconsider his career, but this time I was calm. I changed & moved out to get a soap bar from the store. Well, after exactly 22 mins I opened the bathroom door & out came the first wave of steam & if anyone had been looking they would have found me emerging, not coming out, but emerging from the bathroom like Jeff Goldblum in the fly, when he comes out of his teleportation chamber (without the genetic defects ofcourse, its not like my DNA got fused with the soap bar or something).

Breakfast was quick, toast bread with an above average quantity of cheese & BONG, I realized that I forgot to check my weight on the scale. Now since I had my breakfast, I had second thoughts about it. I mean, how do u calculate how much breakfast you ate (in kilograms) before checking your weight? It was a scary thought & I didn’t leave it to my imagination. I just got up & took a sip at my cuppa & moved on with my life.

The weight was OK, and then I wondered why everything is suddenly looking so chubby? Is this some kind of a new illness that no one knows about or do I really need to look at my tummy from a different angle to make it look smaller? OK, I thought, I stood in front of the mirror again & tried to construct, or to be precise, name a shape for my tummy. How much hemispherical is really hemispherical? Does it look more like a boiled egg really scaled up? It was weird though, but definitely round.

Sudden Realization # 3 was a memory, the one I would never have thought of, but today was different. Few years back, I had promised myself a similar fitness regime. I had begun enthusiastically & clung to it for a week. Then I missed a day, then another & another & saw my tummy lose shape like a misshapen semi inflated balloon. This time, I knew better. Went to the PC, typed out a table listing days, numbered to 200 & hit print. BONG. Low on ink. For a second I thought all those chubby people have done voodoo on me for teasing them. I couldn’t believe, that the most important part of my fitness regime lied on my computer’s screen & I wasn’t able to materialize it.

Moved out, got a printout, and got it photocopied, in case I change my mind. Kicked back, sat on the sofa, legs stretched till infinity, opened a fresh bag of seemingly not so fresh potato chips & suddenly realized the importance of my TV’s remote control.

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