If I were a Schizo?

Last night, the strangest dream woke me up. For all I remember clearly was it didn’t last long enough, but when I woke up I thought I saw something near my bedroom window. I got up to check out what it was, to find that a cat just passed by. I almost thought I saw somebody there, was expecting to see a human figure but instead had to be satisfied with a feline.

But that evoked an odd thought in my mind. Odd timing for an odd thought I wondered. But what if, just what if, I had schizophrenia? NO offence meant to its actual patients, it can be a terrible position to be in. But what if I had it, would I be able to choose the people whom I will allow to enter into my imagination?

Say, I do have a choice of people whom I shall allow in the schizo mind of mine, whom should I start with? First of all, how many?

I narrowed down to five people; I would want five people in my imagination, to be around me when I have schizophrenia.

#1 – Me as a kid, probably 7-8 years old.

I would want to talk to me & teach myself some wisdom which I think my imaginary self would be able to use as he grows up eventually. Teach him all about epistemology in a manner easily comprehensible for him, the best ways to learn, and the inherent inquisitiveness that he will bear with him as he grows into an adult. I would want to see him grow into a better me, more decisive, more confident & well read than I am. Also would want to advise him to stay away from vices & definitely make stay from mediocrity & VSIT. Since he would be in school, I would teach him the importance of physical activity & make sure he attends the swimming lessons that I schedule for him. I would teach him history & science & help him develop a mind he never knew he had. I would teach him to put a milligram of curiosity every time he read anything about anything. I would read him a bed time story. I would want him to be sportsman that I wasn’t; I would want him to be the geek that I wasn’t.

#2 – Me as a teenager (13 years old).

I would show him his childhood self & would urge him to continue that way of life. I would provide him sex education & would guide him through the various hormonal changes that his body will encounter. I will talk him through his first pimple, his first night fall, and his first nervousness when he comes in physical contact with a girl. I will make him continue his swimming lessons or ask him if there’s any other sport that he wants to pursue. I will recommend him good books to read & actively install a love affair for books into his mind. I would open up the gates of knowledge to him & teach him how to make the most of his time through effective time management. I wouldn’t allow him to stay up late, as it might ruin his day’s cycle. I would introduce him to computers. I would let him play with it, till it breaks so that we can learn together how to fix it. I would make him find his interest in building things, with his own hands, just to understand how it feels to visualize something & then watch it materialize in front of your own eyes. I would give him that vision, that confidence, which I wish I had when I was 13.

#3 – Me as a teenager (18 years old).

I would show him his two self portraits that are younger than him & actively achieving their independent goals & would advice him to keep up with their confidence. I would realize his ability to understand abstract things & channelize him into that direction. I would tell him the extent to what his body has grown to & its capabilities. I would revise his sex education lessons. Since he’d be swimming or actively pursuing a sport, he would have a muscular physique & would train with him every morning to keep him company. I would show him the importance of cardio vascular training. I would ask him if he has got a girl friend & make him feel at ease if he has one. I would provide him relationship guidelines. I would keep a good rapport with him about well known vices & make him aware of the long term damages of smoking, drinking & substance abuse. I hope he listens to me. I would also constantly keep a check on what he reads, so as to identify his taste. Since he already knows computers to a practical extent, I would introduce him to the softer side of it; I would engage him into programming. He would learn C programming before any of his peers & use his unique abstract reasoning skills to full effect.

#4 – Me 40 years old.

I wouldn’t actually speak with him; I would just silently observe his lifestyle & make sure I wouldn’t commit his mistakes when I grow as old as he is.

#5 – Me 60 years old.

If I am not happily married by then, if I don’t have enough money to look after myself post retirement, if I am not a millionaire, if I don’t have a happy & healthy family, I would kill him. Then I would silently murder the 40 year old me & then actively look ahead in raising my younger selves to a better life.