Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Finally Letting go

There has to be a medical dictionary that says ‘trouble letting go’ is a disease. I am sure the pharma companies would be delighted with the inclusion of another lifestyle disease. It takes a great deal of marketing to catch up with the huge population of people suffering from lifestyle diseases, mainly comprising of stress related disorders. My personal favorites are the anti-depressants or the SSRI’s. Actually changing the chemical composition of your body so as to avoid synaptic circuits to be completed, in short, numbing your brain to avoid thinking about how full of shit your life is! It’s a brilliant strategy, excellent business plan & there’s no end to depressed people in the world. So coming back to the ‘trouble letting go’ (TLG) syndrome, is it a disease or is it just another fancy name for a typical neural response?

It’s been ages since I have piled up this baggage onto my brain, sort of neural junk. It can be easy not to think about it, but it’s too much to ignore. Having no one to confide in, rapidly increases our brain’s capacity to carry more & more emotional baggage. This is an amazing quality not possessed by any of the digital storage devices available. As you keep stuffing crap onto your brain, it enhances its capacity to store more of it. I wonder if it works equally well while storing knowledge. But the fact is, I have succumbed to this condition, big time. I have never told anyone upfront what goes on in my life, my head, my existence, which leads to a huge logistic problem. Unlike all other complaining life forms, I don’t have such an abundant source of memory stored in me. So the emotional mumbo jumbo (EMJ) has started to creep into my actual memory which stores the good stuff. Now that’s a problem, the EMJ is actually a virus. It maligns the rest of the brain & forces it to have repulsive thoughts, constant feeling of doom & sometimes indigestion.

OK, so is there any cure for this? YES. The answer is as bold as the font itself. While the rest of the world have some shoulder to cry on & then wet it with their tears & make it so shabby that the person whose shirt you just ruined has to spend extra on dry cleaning, I have this amazing medium called blog. From a long time people have asked me the purpose of my blog & I have been monotonously saying, that its for my e-m-o-t-i-o-n-a-l satisfaction. Well, LET THERE BE SATISFACTION.

Here’s a short list of things I am going to let go of TODAY:

1) Bad experiences at school.

2) Unable to engage in any kind of sportive activity, since I haven’t really been exposed to much of it in the first place.

3) Unable to accept close company, mostly female.

4) Distancing myself from social life through reading in my four walls.

5) Complaining about not being able to score well in spite of proper formal preparation.

6) Low self esteem emerging from the low scores I have been coming up with

7) Finally making peace with my past, exclusively my graduation years, which were amongst the most futile. This includes removing all hatred about my college experiences & the “FUCKERS” I encountered.

8) Not having a concrete future plan. (This will definitely help me answer the eternally embarrassing questions my elders ask me about my career plan.)

9) Not having a good physique, (wait for a couple of years.)

10) Not carrying humility on my shoulders.

11) Dumping that false sense of pride, that I am invincible in whatever I do & getting down to real issues about making something out of life.

So what does this short list signify? To be modest, it is all I have been complaining about all my life. It ends today. This list is my DELETE button.

Feb 7th 2007 will always be remembered as the “Day to let go”. I know that sounds real lame, but can you really argue after reading that list?


Song for the moment: Billy Joel – River of Dreams

In the middle of the night
I go walking in my sleep
From the mountains of faith
To a river so deep

I must be looking for something
Something sacred I lost
But the river is wide
And it's too hard to cross

And even though I know the river is wide
I walk down every evening and I stand on the shore
And try to cross to the opposite side
So I can finally find out what I've been looking for

In the middle of the night
I go walking in my sleep
Through the valley of fear
To a river so deep

And I've been searching for something
Taken out of my soul
Something I would never lose
Something somebody stole

I don't know why I go walking at night
But now I'm tired and I don't want to walk anymore
I hope it doesn't take the rest of my life
Until I find what it is that I've been looking for

In the middle of the night
I go walking in my sleep
Through the jungle of doubt
To a river so deep

I know I'm searching for something
Something so undefined
That it can only be seen
By the eyes of the blind

In the middle of the night

I'm not sure about a life after this
God knows I've never been a spiritual man
Baptized by the fire, I wade into the river
That runs to the promised land

In the middle of the night
I go walking in my sleep
Through the desert of truth
To the river so deep

We all end in the ocean
We all start in the streams
We're all carried along
By the river of dreams

In the middle of the night

1 comment:

Manasi said...

hey, thanks for dropping by!!!!
And hope my post helped in creating a light-hearted attitude toward your future.
Or it may have just made u realise that ur not alone!!!!