Many times, this thought crosses my mind, Who am I ? What am I doing here ? Am I just a part of a physics equation that claims that I am on some plane or dimension which maybe a part of several other parallel universes ?
Nevermind, an early sunday morning usually has this Neo effect on me. But seriously, if I give it a thought, what do I actually know about myself ! Where am I going from here ?
Its been more than 3 weeks since I am all worked up with my studies & exam preparation, I never really took time out for giving a serious thought to the future. Well this exactly isnt a time for doing it as its going to keep me distracted for atleast an hour of my studying time. Nevertheless, The question still remains, What do i want ?
Rich Dad Poor Dad, boasts about a phrase called as "the rat race". Now this is a term used for that situation where a person ends up being a part of the system on which he starts hopelessly depending for his survival. To earn a decent income & to have a happy & fulfiling life. But in the midst of all this routine, that person may be killing his identity, his own impression on his times. Unlike being a famous personality, this person strives to look out for oppotunities to prove his place in the world. When does this stop ? Where does passion begin ?
As of now, I see myself caught in that rat race, race with the null to fight for the highest score that I can come up with. To prove that I am little smarter & maybe I can get a few more opportunities than the rest. But is it worth it ? Well I may come to know in a few years, but all this time I used to think that working hard was all about passion for something one does. I think I dropped my passion on the way here.
This dilemma of proving my worth or following my passion has got me all mixed up for atleast an hour of my Sunday morning, which may soon subside when I'll be jolted back to reality on having a glance at my syllabus.
This morning again makes me feel like the lonely boy on the swing , jus sitting there holding the swing ropes waiting for someone to give him push.
The Sun is up & I jus had my tea, going for breakfast & then to study. This is just like an average day, one of those 365's which doesnt seem important to me.
Today reminds me Rene Magritte's The Son of Man (The painting above), an amazing piece of art which somehow defines all my feelings.
Just reminds me of one more thing:
Robbie Williams - Road to Mandalay
"Save me from drowning in the sea
Beat me up on the beach
What a lovely holiday
Theres nothing funny left to say"